Author Topic: Just need to vent  (Read 8776 times)

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Offline Nolatoolguy

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Just need to vent
« on: December 13, 2013, 07:41:19 AM »
Hey guys

I've been struggling with my grandma in the hospital. About three monthes ago she fell and broke her hip. She has been home with a caregiver for a month. The other day she had a severe stroke. Currently she doesn't remember who I or anyone else is. They say her memory may come back with time but there not sure.

To make matters worse my aunt and uncle are fighting over the will and who should get what. I mean she's still alive an there arguing about who gets what. My uncle started taking stuff from her room at my aunts house. So then my other aunt got the police involved and it's just a mess.

Since we moved from Louisana we have been renting my grandmas house. It was sitting empty as it was to big for her but she didn't want to sell it yet. We moved in, and pay enough rent to her to cover taxes. we keep it maintained and everything. We know it's best if we move out soon. That's just a stress in itself.

I love my family but sometimes i just don't get it. I mean my grandmas struggling and there there just argueing and making stuff worse.

I guess it doesn't help either my little ford bit the dust the other day. Ime borrowing one of my cousins work trucks but I can't keep it forever. That's just a material thing an not the biggest of issues but it's still a little stressful trying to get a car or truck with the little money we do have.

I know everything will work out one way or another an what happens is ment to happen but it's just sort of hard right now.
And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Online Papaw

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2013, 07:50:20 AM »
Vent here any time, Neil. Sometimes it  is the only therapy you can get. Things will work out- you have a strong family with your mother and father.
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Offline OilyRascal

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2013, 11:29:12 AM »
Hang in there, Neil.  Try not to let this affect the quality of the time you spend with your grandmother.  As you've said, it will work out.

PS:  Please don't think for a moment you have the only family with contention/dysfunction that surfaces.  I could share horror stories :)
"FORGED IN THE USA" myself.  Be good to your tools!

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Offline Lostmind

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2013, 12:04:56 PM »
The worst in people seems to surface at the worst times. A lot of us have been through similar times,
seems to work out somehow. Someone needs to watch out for your grandmothers wishes .
Do your best so her memories are good ones.
Of all the things I've lost , I miss my mind the most

Offline Nolatoolguy

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2013, 12:44:52 PM »
Thanks guys. It helps to hear what your saying.

Papaw is definitely correct. I have a strong family with my parents. I couldn't ask for better parents.

I have a lot in life and by no means is my life horrible. It is just challenging lately. As everyone said thoe, ile get through it and things will be ok.



And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Offline bird

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2013, 01:37:59 PM »
Thanks guys. It helps to hear what your saying.

Papaw is definitely correct. I have a strong family with my parents. I couldn't ask for better parents.

I have a lot in life and by no means is my life horrible. It is just challenging lately. As everyone said thoe, ile get through it and things will be ok.

I've never understood families that "bicker over wills/ stuff/ ect."  Unfortunately, I think it happens to a lot of families. Oh, and losing your car makes EVERYTHING more difficult!!!!  It's not material...  just the truth. How old is your grandmother...  has she been in decling health? Are you in a position (for better or worse) to be a sort of "mediator"  within your family? Have you told them, "I can't believe you are arguing over this stuff.....  is that what's the most important thing to you?" Sometimes speaking your mind and being brutally honest helps....  of course, depending on your family, it could get you shot!!!!! (haha.....  i think)
        OF COURSE you are supposed to vent on this site!  If we weren't allowed to, I'd a been kicked out this forum years ago! We are a strange type of family on this site....  at least I feel that way.  I have to admit,  I would never have thought I'd have such good friends that I've "met" via the internet.  It still sounds really weird when I say to someone,  "Oh, so and so isn't doing well." 
      "Who is so and so"
      "Oh, it's one of my wrench buddies."
We're a motley group!
cheers,
bird.
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"Aunt birdie, I think you're the best loser ever!!!!!!"

Offline tucker

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2013, 01:49:40 PM »
its true what they say neil,you can choose your friends but not your relatives.
all the best to you and your grandma.

Offline johnsironsanctuary

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2013, 02:46:46 PM »
Hang in there Neil. You have a whole life ahead of you. Treasure the moments that you have with your grandmother.  The stuff in the will is just stuff and not  worth stressing over.  Watch and learn.
Top monkey of the monkey wrench clan

Offline jimwrench

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2013, 08:32:55 PM »
Stay strong;this too shall pass. Don't understand people and how they can do this type of thing during a time that is hard anyway. You don't want to be a doormat and at the same time you don't want to be obnoxious. Try to stay strong and civil.
There will be a reward even if its only in your own peace of mind.
Jim
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Offline Branson

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2013, 06:54:47 AM »
I don't understand why this happens in families any more than bird does.    It's a mystery to me, but I've seen it all too often.   But I have good hope for you -- you have proven that your values and ethics are of the finest, and these will stand by you, and your parents through this mess.   Fussing about material things won't make the aunt and uncle happy people.  In fact, their shenanigans  at this time tells me they're an unhappy couple already.  What's that quote about knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing?  Not a problem you have.   

Your other family here hopes for the best for your grandmother and for you and your parents.

Offline Nolatoolguy

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2013, 12:01:08 PM »
Thanks guys. You really help.

Personally to me I think stuff is great but it's just stuff. Expecially helping with the tornadoes I've learned its just stuff. Moments an memories are what matter in my oppoion.

I have some tools from my grandpa. To me I don't care if I get anything farther with monatery value, I have memories witch are free.

She is 84 and has lived a relatively good life up until the past few monthes. She has obvisoly been having a few problems naturally with age but nothing unexpected.

Its tough for me to say she is now very combative to the hospital staff an most people in the room. She now thinks my father is her husband. Her husband my grandpa passed backed in 2002. She is good to him but other then that she's horrible. They had to give her some drugs to calm her down.

The hospital has been great in dealing with her. I trually am impressed with the hospital.

I do however have some good news! I just got the results of my final for collage last night. I have passed the welding class with a 93%. I could have been 7%better, but 93 isn't to bad.

My cousin has been good with letting me keep his company pickup truck for personal use. Ime paying for the fuel but I feel bad putting miles and stuff on. He sais its more then fine but I don't like to rely on other peoples stuff. I put a add on craigslist for my f150 as non running parts only. If I can get just a little money for it ile be happy. I got a few emails and someone's coming to look at it tonight.




And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Offline Chillylulu

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2013, 04:09:39 AM »
I think sometimes it isn't about the stuff. It could be your Aunt and Uncle are doing the only thing they could think of to hold on.  We're weird when we are stressed, we don't think right. Your relatives could have had a whole lot of time together growing up together, I assume. They could be reverting to behavior that started before you were born.
I think the best we can do is to be kind to everyone and try to overlook all but the worst, dangerous behavior.
I know about someone who, when he lost his parents, wanted everything that had to do with them. He said it was the weirdest thing. Go figure.
Concerning your grandmother, our body's chemistry is really complex. Remember how she has always usually been, that's her. You can laugh about this stuff. You have to, or else all you can do is cry.

Congratulations on passing your test. Welding is a skill that will serve you your whole life. I've always wanted to weld beautifully, but I never took the time to gain the skillset. Good for you.

I hope you and your family will be blessed with peace, and a new to you truck.

Online mikeswrenches

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2013, 07:50:26 AM »
I do however have some good news! I just got the results of my final for collage last night. I have passed the welding class with a 93%. I could have been 7%better, but 93 isn't to bad.

Congratulations!!!  You're making us all proud.  Keep up the good work.

Mike
Check out my Etsy store at: OldeTymeTools

Offline Nolatoolguy

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2013, 09:59:46 PM »
Thanks guys.

As far as her stay in the hospital goes its been a interesting time. Currently she cant leave. Whenever they let up on the drugs she just rips all the cords out, an attempts to stand up to leave. Keep in mind she cant stand up since the hip. They cant finish the last of the tests they want to run until she is fully compliant. Without the tests they cant determine whatever they need to determine.

She will be going to a rehabilitation center an nursing home after she is taken care of there at the hospital.
And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Offline Nolatoolguy

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Re: Just need to vent
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2014, 03:53:42 PM »
Ahh as time passed I have news that is bitter sweet. Currently ime about to go crazy with my uncle.

I am pleased to say she is doing better physically. We know its not gonna be a quick recovery but now shes on track. Her long term memory is slowly coming back. She can at least now recognize people. She still has beginning stages of altimers so short term memory isn't good. We know that it wont become perfect but shes getting better.

They anticipate her to be out of rehabilitation center in two weeks. That is the scheduled target date, but of course it could change.

She will obvisly need care. The family decided to have her come back to her house. We will have 24/7 in home caregiver. My brother will be moving out by the end of the week to my aunts house temporally until he finds a place of his own. We will remodel the bathroom, utility room an brothers old bedroom. Basically we will be making the room were shes gonna be bigger and turn a half bath into a full bath. While we are doing that we will widen the hallway a little for future if/when she needs a wheelchair.

Now for the crazy ever loving family part.

Let me first say there family and at the end of the day I love them.

However I really just wana go crazy today. Very long story short I come home early an hes in my shop going through my stuff. I about freaked out when I saw case to a thermal imagining camera from work open. I asked if he touched it hes like yeh an laughs. I didn't say anything else just changed the topic to lets go wait for the plumber.

I know I might be over reacting. I just hate when people go in my shop for no reason at all. I don't care if my dad goes in to get a screwdriver but even if he doesn't put it back I tend to get cranky. When it comes to other people I seriously cant stand it an it takes everything I have not to start yelling or hit him upside the head with a pipe wrench. I mean you can go through my room, I really don't care. You just don't touch anything in my shop. Some of that stuff is expensive and hard to replace. A thermal imaging camera from work well lets not begin to look at the price tag on that.

My dad is trying to play it down as in lets not make a fuss about it. I don't wana stir up anything I just want him to know not to be touching my stuff. If he needs a tool he can ask.

I now have to put up with everyone coming over to see my grandma which I know thats good. I just don't want people in my tools.
And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood