Tool Talk
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: bird on October 31, 2011, 11:36:59 PM
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I have to go into town tomorrow.... which does not make me happy. It's only 45 miles away, but it seems like forever. Anyhow, there's this kid that I'm trying to be nice to...... I'm trying to learn how to like an 11 year old girl..... I'm working hard at it. Anyhow, I thought I'd go to that HUGE store, Mikels (I don't know how ot spell that) and buy her some stuff. She's been interested in my shop. I told her she should draw some stuff on boards I have. But, unfortunatly, all I had was a few nubs of chalk and a few colored pencils. She asked me if I had any paint. Of course, I did not.
I told her I was going into town this week and would buy her some paint. But, I don't know what else to buy an 11 year old girl..... does anyone have any ideas.... this is WAY out of my league!!!!!! When I was a kid, I was a MAJOR TOMBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how to relate to this kid, but, she doesn't have much of anyone around. So, I thought I'd try to "buck up" and be someone that could help her out....... wouldn't go so far as being a roll model.... but, would like to help her out somehow.
So, I've succumbed to giving her poplar boards that are already planed and quite thin... 3/8ths, probably. The poor kid asked me what a "hobby" was. UGHHHHHH..... man, I feel bad for so many kids in this world. So, I'm trying to let her have a hobby.... painting pieces of wood.
Several of you who know me have heard about this poor kid before, but, I'm still trying to help her out.
Well, if anyone has a little girl around 11 or knows how to act around an 11 year old, I could really use some advice
cheers, bird
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I have an 11 year old granddaughter that is handy with paints and other little hobbies, but she is just now seeing BOYS as a point of interest, so often her mind doesn't stay on course.
Michael's or Hobby Lobby will have nice beginner paint sets and suitable boards, etc, to paint on.
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You're already doing it right. Your time and companionship are infinitely more valuable than anything you'll find at Michael's. She will love the paints.
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When my daughter was younger, she enjoyed drawing in a blank 11" x x17" pad with colored pencils or markers. Some of those drawings are on my home office wall.
Michael's should have all kinds of pads, pencils, markers and paints.
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I'd try an art store. Acrylic paints are great, and most mistakes made on clothes and such can be removed with rubbing alcohol. Michaels has acrylic paints, but they tend to be more expensive. Might try some online sources, too. Teklon brushes are the best, in my opinion, just keep them clean. Very satisfying brushes, especially with the sign-painters version (longer bristles to carry more paint).
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I know it is not your favorite thing to do, but your digital camera might be fun for her. You live out in the country, so there are lots of interesting subjects. Trees, rocks, plants and animals along with ummm .... woodworkers and wrenches. You can't spill a camera and it doesn't leave spots on your jeans.
Good luck! You are doing a GREAT thing.
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Sorry Bird, I didn't read your post 'a solution to pictures' until after I posted above. I still think it's good idea. Maybe for three of you? Sometimes asking a kid for help works.
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I think you are doing a great thing for this little girl. Just keeping her busy with projects isn't the total answer. You have a world of knowledge & sharing some of the things that come so easy to you will stay in her memories the rest of her life. She is at an age of many interests, one thing to remember is whatever you teach her she will retain the rest of her life. It take a very good person to give of there time to help another person in this day & age we live in today.
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I'll tell you all I know for certain about kids.
1, Listen to them, sometimes they actually make sense.
2, Making a kid do anything is akin to herding cats.
3, Kids have excellent BS detectors.
4, Kids believe because it's new to them it's new to the world.
5, When a kid asks a question, listen carefully, and if you still aren't sure ask for clarification.
6, When you tech a kid something, show the kid where and how they will use it in the future & they learn.
7, Kids are way smarter than adults until Public Schools wreck them.
8, When you have to say NO, be ready to explain why it's no.
9, If you change position or direction, explain why.
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Good words, AP!!
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Anyhow, there's this kid that I'm trying to be nice to...... I'm trying to learn how to like an 11 year old girl..... I'm working hard at it. She's been interested in my shop. I told her she should draw some stuff on boards I have. But, unfortunatly, all I had was a few nubs of chalk and a few colored pencils. She asked me if I had any paint. Of course, I did not.
I told her I was going into town this week and would buy her some paint. But, I don't know what else to buy an 11 year old girl..... does anyone have any ideas.... this is WAY out of my league!!!!!! When I was a kid, I was a MAJOR TOMBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how to relate to this kid, but, she doesn't have much of anyone around. So, I thought I'd try to "buck up" and be someone that could help her out....... wouldn't go so far as being a roll model.... but, would like to help her out somehow.
The poor kid asked me what a "hobby" was. UGHHHHHH..... man, I feel bad for so many kids in this world. So, I'm trying to let her have a hobby.... painting pieces of wood.
Well, if anyone has a little girl around 11 or knows how to act around an 11 year old, I could really use some advice
cheers, bird
I've been thinking about this kid, and I remember you talking about her earlier. I'd like to know something more about her circumstances. It looks like she needs a friend for one thing. Didn't know what a hobby is? She lives in a really small world. She needs input, too. Hard to make choices when you don't know what you have to choose from.
One thing is a book or two. She likes being in your shop, so you might think about getting her one of Eric Sloane's books, like A Museum of Early American Tools, or Diary of an Early American Boy. There's a lot of discovery in Sloane's books, and they are very easy to read, and well illustrated with drawings. You not only learn about tools, but also about the lives of the people who used them. They fit into her liking for your shop, and also into your passion for reading. Reading is always a good thing! You can visit places and people far away in time and place.
I helped raise my sister (also named Bird), and I remember her at 11, and it hasn't been long since her own daughter was 11. Both are natural artists, have been since they were about 5. Fiona was working with clay, trying to use her mother's tools, which were way big for her hands. So I took her to an art store, and we got a selection of tools in her size.
You can direct, somewhat, her voyage of discovery. Open some doors for her into a bigger world.
But always remember to listen to her. When my sister was young, our mother and grandparents gave her girlie things for presents. One Christmas, I gave her a Barlow knife. Mother and grandparents were aghast. But that pocket knife was her favorite present that Christmas.
Now, if she's painting on wood, it would be best to prime the wood with gesso first. Probably, a good, thick, flat white paint would do almost as well. The gesso will adhere to the board and provide a good ground for the paint to follow. Most of Brueghel's paintings (actually, I think all were) were started this way. (Sloan talks about using boards for painting, by the way. He was himself an artist.) This would also give her more to do, more hands on stuff, and maybe she would feel a bit more like she was pursuing a skill.
This is a really good thing you are doing!
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THANK YOU so much for taking time to respond to this .... I know it's not exactly "tool talk" material. But, not to sound cheezy, you are a somewhat "family" to me... so I love to get your input and ideas.
cheers, bird
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Branson,
here's some more info about this child. She grew up with a mother that didn't plan on having a child, wasn't financially prepared or driven to have a child. That's no excuse. T spent her first 10 years living with her mom and grandma. Her mom doesn't work, lives with her mom (who has swindled a habitat house and lots of money from the government.... partially by claiming her grand daughter.) The kid periodically moves from school to school. She's already been held behind twice. She comes home, watches TV, fixes herself a TV dinner, and goes to bed.
I should give this kid a name. I'll call her "T".
T's mom earns money by having the same psychiatrist as her mother. Both T's mother and grandmother have a psychiatrist that will give them any drugs they want. They "fill" their sham "prescriptions" and sell them on the street (often while T is in the backseat). They live in Waynesboro, va... NOT Nelson county. I find this psychiatrist despicable, unethical, and damaging to the public.
I am a person that is on disability due to mental illnesses; I find this particularly repulsive. I would like to turn this so called psychiatrist "in" to the medical board. But, I don't know all the facts, and I don't want to be in the middle of something like that. However, it is because of doctors and persons claiming disability such as above that create such problems for the rest of America.
My brother is a rural family doctor. He is so concerned about the abuse of drugs, which makes him RARELY prescribe them to anyone. Due to the overwhelming abuse of drugs in this country, it is quite difficult to figure out who is in need and who is not in need of drugs. He is a good doctor. He is a cautious doctor. And he plagued with continually having to decipher the "good from the bad" persons in need of medication.
Anyhow, my friend has tried to get "physical custody" of T before. Her grandmother wouldn't let her because it would cut into her tax, welfare, attributes.
Finally, my friend has "physical custody" of T. And, I commend her for it. She just lost her job. We just found out that her mom has cancer. But, my friend plans on keeping T. And so my friend lives with her mom, her step dad, and now T in there very attractive double wide. (you'd never know it was a trailer and not a house, not that it matters).
T is now watching TV an hour a day, doing homework two hours a day, and getting good grades. It's amazing what a different environment can do for a child. But, T still has no friends. She gets in trouble on the bus. She looks for attention. She recently took a hearing test and "faked it" in order to receive attention. Continually, this child looks for a way to get attention. But, now she has the full attention of the persons that have taken her in.
So, it is this child that I"m trying to help. I'm trying to be her friend, not just buy her things. Anyone can spend money on someone (well, if you have money to spend.... which, I really DON'T.... but will spend some).
I spend time listening to her. I asked her if she likes school.
"Well, not really."
"I didn't like school that much, either. But, what would you spend your time doing if you weren't in school?"
"I don't know."
"If you don't like school and you don't know what you would do if you weren't in school, you have a problem."
"I do?"
"Well, yes, you do. That means you don't like to do anything, and that's no way to live. You should always have something that you want to do. You should always be able to find something you're interested in. Otherwise, school's as good as any other place."
Silence.
"You don't have to like school. But, life is pretty boring if you don't learn anything new each day. Learn what you don't like to do. That rules out some things. Then, find some things you would like to learn. It doesn't matter what it is. If you have to learn something you don't want to , learn how to do it quickly so that you can get on to learning something you want to learn.
For instance, I had to learn my multiplication tables. I could either spend all day with mom drilling me on times tables or, I could answer each question correctly, and go play outside.
It's your choice. You can do what you want to, but everything you do has a consequence."
I'm not sure if I made any sense to her. As I said, kids aren't my strong point in life. But, I thank everyone for their help.
cheers, bird
Anyhow, there's this kid that I'm trying to be nice to...... I'm trying to learn how to like an 11 year old girl..... I'm working hard at it. She's been interested in my shop. I told her she should draw some stuff on boards I have. But, unfortunatly, all I had was a few nubs of chalk and a few colored pencils. She asked me if I had any paint. Of course, I did not.
I told her I was going into town this week and would buy her some paint. But, I don't know what else to buy an 11 year old girl..... does anyone have any ideas.... this is WAY out of my league!!!!!! When I was a kid, I was a MAJOR TOMBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how to relate to this kid, but, she doesn't have much of anyone around. So, I thought I'd try to "buck up" and be someone that could help her out....... wouldn't go so far as being a roll model.... but, would like to help her out somehow.
The poor kid asked me what a "hobby" was. UGHHHHHH..... man, I feel bad for so many kids in this world. So, I'm trying to let her have a hobby.... painting pieces of wood.
Well, if anyone has a little girl around 11 or knows how to act around an 11 year old, I could really use some advice
cheers, bird
I've been thinking about this kid, and I remember you talking about her earlier. I'd like to know something more about her circumstances. It looks like she needs a friend for one thing. Didn't know what a hobby is? She lives in a really small world. She needs input, too. Hard to make choices when you don't know what you have to choose from.
One thing is a book or two. She likes being in your shop, so you might think about getting her one of Eric Sloane's books, like A Museum of Early American Tools, or Diary of an Early American Boy. There's a lot of discovery in Sloane's books, and they are very easy to read, and well illustrated with drawings. You not only learn about tools, but also about the lives of the people who used them. They fit into her liking for your shop, and also into your passion for reading. Reading is always a good thing! You can visit places and people far away in time and place.
I helped raise my sister (also named Bird), and I remember her at 11, and it hasn't been long since her own daughter was 11. Both are natural artists, have been since they were about 5. Fiona was working with clay, trying to use her mother's tools, which were way big for her hands. So I took her to an art store, and we got a selection of tools in her size.
You can direct, somewhat, her voyage of discovery. Open some doors for her into a bigger world.
But always remember to listen to her. When my sister was young, our mother and grandparents gave her girlie things for presents. One Christmas, I gave her a Barlow knife. Mother and grandparents were aghast. But that pocket knife was her favorite present that Christmas.
Now, if she's painting on wood, it would be best to prime the wood with gesso first. Probably, a good, thick, flat white paint would do almost as well. The gesso will adhere to the board and provide a good ground for the paint to follow. Most of Brueghel's paintings (actually, I think all were) were started this way. (Sloan talks about using boards for painting, by the way. He was himself an artist.) This would also give her more to do, more hands on stuff, and maybe she would feel a bit more like she was pursuing a skill.
This is a really good thing you are doing!
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Quote from Bird:
>As I said, kids aren't my strong point in life.
Apparently, this one is. And I'm glad it's so. One thing Scott didn't mention is that kids need someone to tell them the truth. Not huffily, not judgmentally, but just honestly. That's as important as anything. That's how they get their bearings in the world.
Somebody wise, and probably well known and respected, said that if you make a difference in one person's life, you have not lived in vain. Bird, you are making a bid difference in T's life. That's a big thing.
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If it's any consolation here folks, Jesus once said something to the effect of" What you do for the least of these, you do for me" Perfect example being discussed right here. The forum is general discussion, but every once in a while, getting pretty specific is okay by me!! There are thousands of kids like T in similar situations, so bird, stay in "rescue mode" as long as you can....
DM&FS
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Bird I'll begin by saying I do not envy you the task you've undertaken. From what I've read of your writings I presume you grew up in a more or less standard family, and that does NOT equip you to deal with a System Kid. Make no mistake T is a System Kid, she has learned to work the system for everything, and at age 11 she's probably both smart and very close to a degree in manipulation.
I say this for a few reasons, one being I grew up in a kid prison called an orphan home, and I have tried to help some system kids get their heads screwed on right. I've also spent enough time in Schools to know America's Public Schools have become near useless.
T has learned by now to set her goals for the day, scam somebody into providing what she wants, and if the first target doesn't deliver to move on. T is also quite probably at the point of having detached from any familial relationship. To System Kids everything every day is another deal. What have I got that you want, and what have you got to trade is a far more normal thought than let me share the cookies with you.
Your description also indicates T has developed some skill at pushing NO. Kids need somebody who says NO, it keeps a lot of kids from getting killed or jailed, and in T's head no is a starting point. She probably accepts NO from nobody, and isn't likely to from you until she values associating with you sufficiently to not risk being sent off.
Sometimes kids like T can grasp the concept of relating to examples. One I've used a few times with success is the movie/concert example. You need a ticket to get into either, and without a ticket you stand on the sidewalk watching other people go in. Think of school as the ticket to life.
Given T's age the primary thing you need to do with her is be honest. T has one hell of an onboard lie detector, and kids who know the system operate from the point of everything being a lie until proven. You must deliver on every promise or you're just another liar. Be careful what you say. Promise nothing instead use phrases like I'll try.
Most important always listen and do your best to hear without reading into what you heard. on't assign tasks, but ask for T's help. If she values associating with you she'll help. If not, leave her to solve her own next problem by herself. Remember everything is a swap with her.
For your own protection maintain a journal of all interactions with T. If you're lucky it won't ever be needed, but if the sh!t hits the fan a journal can save you from a Social Worker, and you have no idea of the stories a System Kid can whip up. I well recall a 12 year old darling who went to school MONDAY with bruises from combat badminton on Saturday with her foster siblings. She decided it would suit her purpose to tell the teacher her parents beat her. On the way to the office to assist the Principal write the official report she decided it was a good idea to claim the parents were starving her too. When the Principal called mom and looked in the lunchbox the little darling was carrying to confirm mom's inventory Miss 12 year old genius hit the skids. From then on Miss Genius had to prove every allegation she made.
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I'm glad for your wisdom and help. I have NOT taken the kid into my house. That's another friends job. But, I'm trying to help T out. As far as "system/ foster/ ect/ homes are concerned, this child hasn't ended up in one yet. I am happy to say that T has only learned to manipulate a few aspects of her life, so far. She has a great person that has taken her in, my best girlfriend (friend that's a girl... to avoid confusion!).
But, I have already learned that this poor child is desperate for attention...... that leads to all sorts of problems.
Thanks for the input.
cheers, bird
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I think Aunt Phil is giving excellent advice. T has been raised by people who have been working the system and that to her is how the world works. She may not have learned all the skills yet but you have your work cut out for you showing her an alternative and getting her to accept it.
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All of you are such a great help to me... full of wisdom and advice. It means a lot to me for you folks to take the time to respond to my posts about this kid, and responding to all of my posts, in general. Thank you all so much.
cheers, bird